IBS AND ME

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So I have been dealing with IBS since I was 14 years old.  I would like to say I was kind of embarrassed about it.  I think that it comes from a lot of stress I endured as a child.  I will not go into it, but my child hood was not terrible, but there were somethings that just should not have been.  However, I was not a very open child and did not discuss various things with people or friends, being that I did not really have any.

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So oftentimes, when issues are not spoken, I believe that they manifests themselves in other physical issues.  My earliest memory of having IBS issues was during the CRCT in my 8th grade class in the year 2004.  My friend Desiree was sitting next to me and I started to cramp in a way that I never have before.  I could barely concentrate on the test.  Then the rumbling and it was thunderous.  I do not have the gaseous IBS, thank god, but my stomach sounded like a lion on the hunt.  I ate that day and I was not even hungry.  But my stomach was upset.

I figured later on that it was the stress from the test.  The stress from passing the test was getting to me.  This was my 7th or 8th school I had transferred to in my life.  I was presented into a new family with a completely different culture the same year.  There were still issues regarding the divorce between my mother and father.  To say the least, I was dealing with a lot of shit.

And my digestive system was victim and victimizer.

I think that IBS was a manifestation of all the issues that I’ve kept to myself.  Oppose to speaking to doctors and counselors, which I was not encouraged to do being that I was apart of a cultish type of church my dad forced me to attend.  I often kept things to myself and hoped jesus would fix them.  He never did.  So I floated through life just taking shit left and right and never saying anything.  Ignoring Microaggressions and macroaggressions hoping that the aggressors or stressors would go away and they never did.

So now I am an adult at 26 who is dealing with IBS that is probably slowly turning into colitis.  I was officially diagnosed in 2014 by a doctor i visited.  To say the least, he was surprised by the micro and macro aggressions I received from those on the job for using the bathroom so much.  Mind you, a black man using the bathroom too much equals a few things and one of them is drugs.  So yeah!!!!  These aggressions are what led me to see a doctor because I did not want to lose my job and respond to microaggressions and macroaggressions by submitting to the aggressors will that never works.

So he gave me this medicine that did great things, but I knew that it was high time for me to get a colonoscopy and I have yet to get it done.  I am scurred in my Mr. Brown voice.  Not because something is going up my ass, but because they might find something.  jesus  I need my prostate lord for gay sex.

So yeah.  I am an emotionally traumatized adult with IBS that can debilitate me whenever it chooses to or if I am in a stressful situation.  I wish I could grow wings instead, but such is life.  I am not ashamed of this, and if you have IBS or colitis or anything of that nature, know you are not alone.  See a doctor and get checked.  PLEASE!!!!

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But for now I am back on my strict diet starting Monday.  Eating like a freaking rabbit.  Running or probably just walking to get exercise.  Eating three times a day.  And taking my medicine regularly.

So yeah, it is manageable, but sometimes, I have to realize that I am going to have a bad day.  I am going to be in damn near tears from the pain, but life goes on and it could be a lot worse.  god did not promise me sunshine in this life lol, but it is my life and I love it.

Sometimes I am going to use the bathroom up to 10 times a day.  I am going to look like I am on crack once I am done shitting often.  I can eat green food and water all day and it will still cause my IBS to flare up.  I am going to look like I am about to fall over or pass out from dehydration, but trust I am OK and smart enough to hydrate.  Sometimes I am still going to look like a crackhead and ashy because all my fluids are going to come out of me.  I may seem lethargic and tired because I probably am.  I may have narcolepsy type symptoms, but it is not because I went out partying the night before, but because my body is literally shutting down to recover.  This is my life and my body.  It is unique and troublesome like everyone else’s.

We all are given our crosses to bear, and I guess this, along with a million other things, is mine to bear.

Thanks for reading

Cmortalx/Carter

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