Religious Fanaticism

In my last post I touched on my upbringing and how my father was against going to doctors due to his religious beliefs.  Hence the IBS transitioning into colitis slowly but surely.  This was a reality for my youth from 10 years old to 18 years old.  God fixed everything apparently, except for the things that he did not.

I grew up in a holiness Pentecostal church. I told my dad that I had nightmares of me going to hell due to what he told me about gay people as a child. Knowing what gay was and that I was it, and that those like me burned forever in the fiery pits of hell, I had these vivid nightmares of descending into Hell since I was 8.  I think I was 19 the last time I had this nightmare.  Anyway, the first time I told him I had this vision, he took me to the church his father use to pastor before Alzheimer.  The pastor there prayed over me to “cast the demon of homosexuality out of me.”  It did not work.

The next time I had this vision I was 10 and my dad decided to take me to church.  That day he was “filled with the holy ghost/saved.”


  2. SAY THE LORD’S PRAYER (optional)
  3. GET BAPTIZED (in the name of Jesus not the trinity)
  5. GET SAVED (evident by speaking in proper tongues)

So my dad skipped steps one through four and got to five in the matter of hours that day.  My journey took a while.  However, there were many hiccups along the way.  [end bio here]

So in this church there were core values that were to be upheld by the members of the church, especially the “saints”, who were those who were saved/filled with the holy ghost.  They were required to remain holy.  This meant that believing that Jesus can do ANYTHING.  This included resolving health issues.

These issues ranged from mental health issues, HIV/AIDS, cancer, other terminal illnesses, and substance abuse.

Most of the time this Jesus guy ain’t fix shit and most people died or their issues got worse.  That did not mean that they did not come to church.  There are a lot of dysfunctional people in church.  Not judging, but kind of the premise of church.  However, it is interesting that those that the “sinners” are supposed to look up to are just as sinful as those who are coming in the door.  But whatever.

Back to the fanaticism.  It is extremely dangerous.  I grew up with people with mental disorders, terminal illnesses, and chronic illnesses.  However, these illnesses were often not treated by doctors due to the faith that lord will deliver people from these issues.  This meant that many people died or their conditions got worse from this faith.

There were many drug addicts who went through our church.  However, their addiction were not fully dealt with because they felt that if they got prayed for or “delivered,” that God would “take the taste of [insert vice] out their mouth.”  However, many members relapsed and fell into worse conditions than how they started out.  The church’s excuse was that their worsened condition was due to the sinner’s backslide, oppose to those members having a mental disorder that needed to be handled by professionals.

If there is a God, then he gave people the knowledge to deal with various issues.  However, the type of fanatics I grew up around did not understand that and saw everything as a result of spiritual consequence.  This meant that a person had a demon of drug addiction oppose to having an addiction/mental disorder.  Therefore, their method was to exorcise the alleged demon oppose to treating the person for addiction.  If there are spirits of addiction, then how can you determine that they are in every addict.

From there we have the demons for truly non-problematic issues.  For everyone who had the demon of homosexuality prayed off of them, raise your hand.

This was my reality.  Oppose to helping nurturing a young adult in a good person, fanatics condemn and ostracize the person for being who they are being that these fanatics feel that they have a demon.  This creates problematic adults who shun their sexuality all together or still have deep rooted issues based upon how they perceive their sexuality.  I still suffer from low self esteem that is rooted in this.  While I am not judging this one aspect of my development to my low self esteem, it is still a large reason why I struggled with low self esteem for such a large apart of my adulthood.

The dangers of religious fanaticism like this are not just physical, but mental.  There are mental consequences for fanaticism.  It is a reality and something I stay away from.  I am still dealing with the consequences of this fanaticism.

If you are stuck in this type of religion.


If you tell no one, no one will know.