You Don’t Love Me, What’s Wrong With You?!
– GOD, as interpreted by Mary Mary
As human beings, we must have social connections. Even as a sociopathic hermit, I understand that. Humans want to be loved and accepted by ALL. In fact, I know that I had to be taught that I should not expect for anyone to like or love me. In fact, I have to come to the realization that most people will fucking hate me or have some disdain for me and I accept that. And with that, it doesn’t make anyone else bad or good (unless, of course, they punch me in my smug ass face because they feel some kinda way).
I have realized as I get older that many of us cannot accept that someone doesn’t like us, love us, or wants to be around us. It is a natural reaction to feel bad about rejection. Even if it is rejection regarding something you don’t really want. And I think we can see this in all facets of life. People want to be validated and accepted on all levels!
This creates a society of people who can’t handle negativity, rejection, or indifference. Especially as we live in a society dominated by millennial (YES, YOU CAN CLICK OFF NOW), who DEMAND acceptance and validation ALL THE DAMN TIME. From likes on Facebook, to retweets on Twitter, and even to a simple smile on the damn bus, we live in a society that expects positive outputs from everyone, especially strangers.
THIS IS A FUCKING PROBLEM. It has now gotten to the point where we have decided to place people in the “BAD ZONE” upon recognizing rejection, negativity, or indifference.
“Bad Zone: [Working UD Definition] A mental space created to place those who don’t fuck with us like that. This space is usually inhabited by those who we know something must be wrong with because we the shit and they tripping. These haters, these lames, these assholes,these punks, these fools, these [insert pejorative].”
Essentially, the “Bad Zone” is a mental prison that people create to help force a safe space within the dwellings of their mind. It allows us to have a delusion of goodness that is only attached to what is us. Not many people go around thinking, “I am bad and people shouldn’t like me or be around me.” This is of course, unless some form of mental illness is in play.
We want to know that we are good and that the goodness in us can be validated by other’s acceptance and love. But because of the world we live in, which really hasn’t changed if you think about it, we are surrounded by those who are at most, indifferent to us. They don’t really care about you because they are too busy worried about their own lives. If they do notice you, it is usually because they have found an issue with your persons that can be in some form or way, irritating or dangerous to them.
With this understanding, I often see people respond to this negative attention or plain out indifference as them thinking something is inherently wrong with the other party. They begin to analyze the person to determine why they would not validate their goodness. The easiest answer to the question, “Why don’t they like me?”, is that they are “bad”. Whatever bad that is. With this question answered, people decide to place the other party in the before mentioned, “Bad Zone”.
“Well, they are just being a bitch.”
“They just don’t know me and never will.”
“They are [insert “ist”].”
“Something must be wrong with them because there is nothing wrong with me.”
“I am a good person, and they are not.”
“They must be fucking crazy.”
This outward push against an assumed incoming threat is the problem with most people in our society. We want to know that other people to see us as we see ourselves and that’s not going to fucking happen. This is due to the fact the delusion of the good self is bullshit. We aren’t who we say that we are or even tell ourselves. Whatever delusion utilized to help you get out of bed every morning is just that, a self-induced delusion. The biggest fear we have is that people will see through our bullshit and see the true us.
When people avoid us or we figure that they do not like us, we are assuming that they are seeing who we really are behind the allusion we put out to the world. We deflect the assumed negativity that is already inside of us onto other people. We take the inner judge and personify it as the other party. As we do not like being judged (and who would?), we box the personified inner judge into a place where we can further avoid judgement. A place where their judgement holds no value.
I have done it, you have done, we all have done it.
We intrinsically want to protect ourselves. We always want to be seen as the good guy to the evil of whomever is avoiding us or not liking us. We create the narrative that something is intrinsically wrong with the other person and that their malfunction is what serves any assumed negativity that they may have against us. We validate ourselves through this process as we cannot or will not get validation from the other party.
It is sick and disgusting. I think we have to stop determining others as bad to justify our good. EVERYONE IS NOT GOING TO FUCK WITH YOU. And that is fucking OK. You don’t need everyone’s fucking approval to live your fucking life. If we would focus on changing the inner judge’s mind about who we are, then we can stop creating external personified judges out of strangers, spouses, friends, co-workers, classmates, family members, and the damn internet. With this, we would live a better life.
The end point I am trying to make is to stop trying to make a fucking mental safe space in a world that is not responsible for how the fuck you feel.
Have a great fucking day! And remember, that I am not saying to you what am not saying to damn self first and that I am the first one on the list of people who need to take this fucking advice.
Please let me know if I missed anything, if you disagree with anything, or if you have another point of view.
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