White Gay Men Adopting Black Children

Arwen and her daddies Jarko De Witte van Leeuwen http://www.feel-good-families.com/ ‘Arwen and her Daddies’ is the adoption story of the African American girl Arwen, born in New York City, by her Dutch daddies, told by 4 year old Arwen herself. She tells how they became a family. The book features multiple diversity aspects, such as intercountry, interracial adoption by same sex parents. Brought in a very natural and childlike way. A real feel good book.



I recently posted a picture of two white males with their three children who were assumed to be three black male toddlers (one was a female child, but no one would acknowledge that).  I also posted a picture of a gay male with three black male teenagers whom he adopted.  These pictures incited a lot of anger and outrage from many people.  They varied from Christian, Black, White, Atheist, and those who practice various Spiritual practices.  However, many reactions were surprising.

These are some of the reactions to the posts I made on various sites:

“Any of them girls, because I notice most gay men only adopt boys. Very strange”

– Pro-black Group Facebook

“Every kid needs a loving home. As long as the home environment is safe, secure, and nurturing I see no problem whatsoever.  Better that than having them sit in the system for their entire childhood.

– Urban Forum Site

“[They] further screw up our race! They don’t want us to procreate, and they hate us but then lust after us. Predators

– Pro-black Group Facebook

“Beautiful family I Hope The Children Are Happy God Bless Them.”

– Pro-black Group Facebook

They seem happy. They are also going to have to be strong, to deal with all the bigotry and racism from fools! Bless.

– Pro-black Group Facebook

“Those boys are gonna grow up gay”

– Atheist/Christian Forum Group

Why they didn’t adopt no lil pink ass babies? Smh this shit like this urks my soul.”

– Pro-black Group Facebook

So if it irks your soul when are you going to start adopting them?”

– Pro-black Group Facebook

They are doing a woody allen. Raising their future lovers. Lol.

– Pro-black Group Facebook

“Men should be allowed to adopt children by themselves without heavy scrutiny. I don’t care if they claim to be gay or straight. Men are more prone to sexual deviancy than women.  I don’t have a problem if single women or lesbians adopt however.  There is also the racial angle.”

– Urban Forum Site

” [How is this against nature?! ] That’s what was said about people who were not whites, being treated equal.
Julian, you are obviously too informed and realistic for this mob. Don’t waste your time and effort. Bless.”

– Pro-black Group Facebook

“Sick because most likely they are molesting them because most gay men pray on the weak these children can’t defend them selves so that’s what I’m saying gay and white.  I feel like they’re always doing that they always prey on the weak and the poor the thing is white men been doing this to Children black children for so many years is sickening.”

– Pro-black Group Facebook

“Exactly, they have no good intentions for them.  Why not white boys”

– Pro-black Group Facebook

“I watch a lot of Law & Order: SVU, so y’all know what’s going through my mind. I also think it may be easier to adopt the blacks since there seems to be a lot in the system.”

– Urban Forum Site

“Let’s start a prayer group!”

– Atheist/Christian Forum Group

“At least these children have a home to go to, as long as they’re well looked after and the parents are not abusing them in anyway, shape or form… Then I don’t give a damn what the adoptive parent’s sexuality or race is. “

– Forum Site

 “How is it any different than straight white couples doing it?”

– Urban Forum Site

“They look like nice families.”

– Urban Forum Site

“Good. They need homes. Less black kids in the system is a great thing. Gay couples adopt kids of all races.

– Urban Forum Site

“A single man adopting children would get the side eye from me. Let alone a single white man wanting to adopt all black kids. So I would definitely side-eye 2 white men getting together and doing this.  I just hope the agency made sure it was a safe home. If it’s safe, then I’d agree it’s better than having no home. But I’m not going to act like this is perfectly common. It should be given the side eye in the best interest of those kids.”

– Forum Site

“Cute kids. They deserve a home, too.”

– Urban Forum Site

We should he outraged. But hey.  They will be ducking those kids in the near future. Lol.”

– Pro-black Group Facebook

“[Black] kids outnumber any Other race in the foster care system. I rather they get adopted than grow up in the system bouncing from house to house. Dont want your kids being adopted stop giving them away!”

– Urban Forum Site

SMFH not cool at all!!! Why do gay white people adopt black babies.

– Pro-black Group Facebook

“I actually prefer a White gay couple adopting a Black child than a straight White couple. Those straight couples will often live in areas where their Black children are the only Black people. They can be very religious and adopted the child to save them. I saw one couple whose Black teen son was called the N-word. Their answer was for him to pray for the person. Problem solved?!? The gay couples on the other hand tend to live in more diverse areas. They aren’t overly religious and will actually take time to understand Black culture and racism.  Of course, some White gay couples are capable of harming a Black child and a straight couple might do a great job of raising their Black adopted children.   If Black kids weren’t so over represented in system, this wouldn’t be up for discussion. I adopted two Black children from foster care. Their mother lost interest once they were past the baby stage and would abandon them with friends. They come from a large family and none of their relatives wanted them. They both have issues because of what they went through. I commend people for being able to love and care for children that they didn’t make.”

– Urban Forum Site

“All men are more sexually deviant than women. And white men are more likely to be racist or have questionable views about black people and thereby black children.”

– Urban Forum Site

“I don’t care what they say on fb’s comments. These gay men are doing something. Over half the people talking shit would not only disqualify for adoption, they’d be the last to adopt another black child so here, here! Someone’s doing it. People always want to project their fears and insecurities on what other people are doing for others yet won’t do shit themselves.”

– Forum Site

“It’s unfortunate that these children won’t have a mother”

– Urban Forum Site

“Poor Babies!”

– Pro-black Group Facebook

“What a beautiful family.  There is a lower adoption rate for children of color in the US care system. There are especially limited placements for older children and sibling sets. These parents are blessings.”

– Urban Forum Site

“Dear God No!”

– Atheist/Christian Forum Group

(I apologize for the lack of posts from those in the Atheist group, but the original post was deleted by the admin for the amount of mudslinging in the comment section.)

For me, this proved that there is a lot of homophobia in the world and it comes from everyone.  All posters were not black.  Many were white.  In fact, the person who asked for the creation of the prayer group was a white woman who said that these men would violate their adopted children.

I think that this is pathetic.  The fact that people can view an image of a happy family and immediately see DANGER, is disheartening.  The naysayers see all the perceptions and assumptions that they have about gay men.  Particularly, gay white men.  For many people, they see white men as particularly perverse due to the history of white men and their relationship with other bodies in this country and the world.  The largest offender of sexual and physical violence are white men (OVC, 2011) . Yet, most of these offenders identify as heterosexual (Kort, 2012).

Does the fact that the men in those photos were gay exclude them from sexual and physical violence?


However, if you are going to use assumptions based on statistics to back your prejudice, then use actual statistical data.  When speaking on gay adoption you have to look at the persons in question and the intersection, in which they lie.  The history of white men as it relates to the black body refers specifically to the slave/master relationship with white people in this country.  White men traditionally raped, killed, molested, inbred, beaten, lynched, and mutilated black bodies (McCoy, 2015).  This pain is fresh.  Slavery literally ended almost a century ago.

Even after slavery, black people had to deal with Jim Crow.  Where white men had the same impunity as they had during slavery (McCoy, 2015).  Oftentimes, the behavior was excused by various stereotypes placed on black bodies.  This is especially true for black females (McCoy, 2015).  However, the offense was not with these men having black female children, which is what one of the parents had.  The offense was with the fact that these white gay men had black children.

The perversion of their predecessors determined how various people perceive white men now.  The fact that they are gay, as well as white males, made this fear and anger so much worse.  Homosexuality is still seen as a sexual perversion.  It falls under the idea that if you lie, you steal, if you steal, you kill.  They feel that if you are gay that there is a slippery slope for everything else.  This means homosexuality is oftentimes linked to pedophilia, hebaphilia, and pederasty (Kort, 2012). This sentiment goes back to the early part of the 20th century and remains true today.

Check out this PSA from the 50’s.

Oftentimes, pedophelia, hebaphelia, and pederasty among male adults who mess with male children is confused with homosexuality (Kort, 2012).  Homosexuality is about the love between two consenting adults.  A child can not consent to sex.  Pedophelia, hebaphelia, and pederasty relates to the lust and obsession with youth who can not consent to sex.  It is all about control for these offenders (Kort, 2012).  While this obsession and lust may be with victims of the same sex, it does not fall under homosexuality.  There is no sexuality with pedopholia, hebaphelia, and pederaasty (Kort, 2012).

Check out the stats.


Statistically speaking, these children are more likely to be violated by their heterosexual male family members than their gay parents.  (It is because these family members are male and not because they are black.)  Again, this does not exclude all gay men from being pedophiles, hebaphiles, and pederasts.  Everyone is capable of evil.  However, the source of outrage for these families came from irrational fear and hatred.  If we are going to be outraged by these white gay men adopting these black male children, then we must be outrage when heterosexual women with men in their lives, heterosexual single men, and heterosexual male relatives adopt children.  However, the outrage never reaches them.  It reaches these gay men because of homophobia.

I would say racism is apart of it, but these are still white men who have access to white male privilege.

As well, none of the people who said anything negative about this family posted up resolutions to this so called problem.  I did not read ONE statement of anyone finding a resolution to the increased numbers of black children in the foster care system who are retained there until they are 18.  Yet, they can post and nit pick about gay white men adopting black male children.  I am not going to defend white men, because they have enough protection in society.  But I will defend someone’s right to live as they want and have the same rights as anyone else.  These gay white men have EVERY RIGHT adopt these children IF THEY ARE FIT, AND CLEARLY THEY ARE FIT IF THEY HAVE THE CHILDREN.

Will they be perfect parents?

Who are perfect parents?

Will they be able to relate to their child in regards to dealing with racism?

No better than any other white parents of black children PROBABLY.  (I do not live with them.)

Are they going to hurt them physically?

Probably not, being that I can only imagine the amount of scrutiny the state may put on them.  And again, I never met these white gay men to know if they are violent to begin with.

Their intersection of being white and being gay has truly worked against them.  I would like to say it is refreshing to see that their whiteness is a disadvantage, but it really is not refreshing and their whiteness and maleness is still a advantage.  All of the internet people who are complaining may not have the power to do anything about this situation unless they are in a place of privilege.  Even with their homosexuality, these men are still men.  They still have access to their white male privilege and there is little these people on the internet could do to stop them from adopting black male children, as if their would be a rational reason to do as such.


More power to them.  I hope their family the best.  I hope the best for their children.   They all looked very happy and content.  That is all I want for any child.  To be safe, happy, and content.

For the naysayers…


These children are put in the hands of the state and are placed in worse situations than you can imagine.  Be happy any child is placed in a home that does not abuse them, mistreat them, and dismisses them.  Be especially happy if this occurs for black children, being that they are retained the most.

The best for these families.



Herek, G. 2013.  Facts About Homosexuality and Child Molestation.  Retrieved from http://psc.dss.ucdavis.edu/rainbow/HTML/facts_molestation.html

Kort, J. 2012.   Homosexuality and Pedophila: The False Link. Retrieved from http://www.huffingtonpost.com/joe-kort-phd/homosexuality-and-pedophi_b_1932622.html

Mccoy, M. 2015.  9 Disturbing Facts About Sexual Violence Against Our Women Under Jim Crow.  Retrieved from http://atlantablackstar.com/2015/05/28/9-disturbing-facts-about-sexual-violence-against-our-women-under-jim-crow/

Office for Victims of Crime (OVC). 2011.  Sex Offenders.  Retrieved from http://ovc.ncjrs.gov/sartkit/about/about-sa-so.html




  • CTG

    Right….b/c any couple that is willing to adopt (black) children is good enough. Smh. It’s freaking weird that they adopt black male boys almost exclusively. Say what you want, but it’s very unsettling to many people for a reason; atrocities continue to happen to our black children and there seems to be very little concern. We’re seen as “thugs” even as small children…but we’re more adoptable by white people? Something isn’t right. Oh and nice of you to include some historical context in relation to the oppression of black bodies (which continues to happen), but you practically glazed over that in favor of the best case scenario. Let’s hope that our fears are unwarranted and that these children grow up to be stable, mentally strong adults who know who they truly are.

  • dinard38

    Man oh man. Here is a subject that sets my blood a boiling. I don’t know why I read the comment section of every article that I read. I guess I’m addicted. But it just gives me insight as to how people really think. They tend to show their true colors when they can hide behind the anonymity of the internet. And their true colors are SCARY AS HELL!!!!!

    As I’m reading through some of these comments that this article posted, I get so pissed at these negative comments about white gay men adopting black kids. They want to adopt boys so they can molest them. Their kids will grow up to be gay. They won’t have a mother (they do have a mother, but that heffa couldn’t be bothered to raise her own children). I remember reading one outrageously ridiculous comment on another article on the same subject, and this moron said that gay men will have sex parties around their kids, and their friends will molest the kids. Such astounding ignorance!!!!!!

    There are many reasons why gay white men adopt black kids. I adopted two boys as a single, black man. I am quite familiar with how the system works.

    1) Bottom line is, it is easier for gay white men to adopt black children than white. If there is a white child up for adoption, heterosexual couples will ALWAYS be the first choice, followed by a single, white female. Single men (straight or gay) and gay couples (male or female, although preference would be given to a female couple) are the last choice. So white children up for adoption will be most likely be adopted by a white couple or single white woman.

    2) Based on 2012 data from U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, Non-Hispanic Black kids disproportionately enter the Foster Care system: only 14% of USA kids are non-Hispanic black, but make up 26% of the kids in Foster Care. Reasons for this might be institutional bias, but there are also some studies ( see Dept of Health & human Services study ) that indicate that black children are more than 2x as likely to suffer abuse than the average child.

    Once in foster care, black children are made available for adoption at roughly the same rate as white children. But then, in terms of actually being adopted, fewer black kids are adopted than white kids.

    Why? Black kids in Foster Care are more likely to be older, be part of a large sibling group, or have disabilities. All black kids are considered Special Needs by the state and federal government. By labeling them special needs, a person who adopts black children gets a huge tax credit for five years. This credit was created for incentive to adopt black children. Black boys are especially hard to get adopted because they are perceived as trouble makers, more unwilling to be educated or follow rules. That shouldn’t be too surprising given the perception of adult black men as thugs, drug dealers, rapists, etc. So given the sheer number of kids up for adoption, many states gladly welcome a gay couple willing to adopt black children, particularly black boys. Else they age out of the system, where they become either homeless or end up incarcerated.

    3) You also have to deal with case worker’s personal biases. A lot of case workers won’t let a single man or gay male couple adopt a girl, and that’s another reason why gay couples end up adopting boys.

    I applaud anyone, gay or straight, who can provide a safe, loving home to these children. I would rather see a black child with a gay, white couple than them remaining in foster care and aging out. I see a lot of negative comments particularly coming from homophobic black people about how this is wrong, and gay couples shouldn’t be allowed to adopt. They need to be raised by a man and a woman, blah, blah, blah. But I don’t see any of them running out to adopt these children. And if being raised by a heterosexual man and a woman is so important, why aren’t their biological parents raising them? GTFOH.

    • Yeah, the comments and posts were awful. But yeah, whenever a BLACK child is placed into a healthy home, that is a blessing. No matter who it is. And yes, I am sure there is definite discrimination with gay people adopting period.

      I think the main concern from the moderates in these threads was that white people do not understand what it means to be black, so it would be hard for them to train their children for life as they will grow up to be black adults.

      What do you think about that?